February 2012
8 posts
Try your name and post what you get. →
itemfinder:
captcrieff:
stewardoftheaeroplane:
spiceweasel:
beeseverywhere:
jathis:
Tumblr Url: wow…nothing XD
IRL name: UNABLE, RARE FELL
URL: WHEREVER SEE BYE
IRL: BY PESKY NICK
URL: ACE SPEW LIES IRL: EIGHTEEN RAZZLE ABORTER
url: TWO-FACED, PRENATAL HEROES
irl: ALONE MALIGNING AS
Url: CAPRET IF CF
IRL: VIP’S PRINCE SATAN
HELL! SOCIAL AND IN ALIEN
Best Tweet of the Night
Wouldn’t it be great if at the end of the Grammy’s, Martin Freeman walked on stage, grabbed the microphone, and said “Fuck you all, I won a BAFTA”. Then just walks off stage.
December 2011
1 post
Merry Christmas! and Happy Hanukkah Everyone!
Wishing you peace, love, and joy this holiday season!
November 2011
2 posts
Trying not to get teary...
I just went through my Tumblr archive… I miss you guys so much! Sending you all Piccolo love 8 )
—Alani
Netflix Sucks
Me: Netflix exists only to resurrect One-Hit-Wonder TV show from the 70s, 80s, and 90. It is the TV equivalent of marching band.
Carrington: You mean its full of mediocre sprinkles..?
And Later...
Carrington: With Netflix you can relive you childhood TV shows, no matter when you were a child. But that's it. I get now why there was such an uproar when they upped the price.
Me: Yes, I can justify throwing $8 a month away on my childhood. But not $16.
And Later still...
Carrington: This a great site to sit a child in front of that you don't want to interact with.
Me: Maybe we shouldn't have kids...
June 2011
1 post
May 2011
1 post
U-Haul Hell.
Hey pics (honorary and otherwise). I haven’t tumbled in a while so I would like to break my hiatus with this… MY FAMILY is BANANAS!
So, as you know I’m moving to Charlotte and into my new apartment. It’s cute. It’s a little 2 bedroom and the price is right. I’m happy with it.
Lemme ask you a question, for a fresh out of college kid moving to a new place what is deemed acceptable furniture?...
April 2011
5 posts
Ogden entertains himself
Me *noticing that Ogden is burying his face in some big pink hairless part of his body: Sarah whats wrong with your hamster? He got his face in some big pink bodypart. Is he hurt? Is he okay?
Sarah *looking a Ogden and relieved: Oh those are just his balls.
Me: Oh...well as long as he's just sticking his face in his balls then...
“I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you on the weekends I dress up like a white woman in...”
– Alani (via xblondey112x)
“Jesus never tasted so good!”
– Me (discussing the time my Church retreat in a pinch used Hawaiian Rolls for Communion Wafers)
Playing Banagrams-dicussing tiles "S" "E" and "X"...
Natalie: Ooh I have SEX this time!"
Sarai: The one's with SEX always win.
Someone else: I've not won yet.
Sarai: You've never had SEX then.
--later...
Sarai: It's not fair I want SEX! I want to win!
Sam: (*looking around at the church) I don't think this is the place to get it.
--later still while Krysta is mixing up the tiles....
Me: You need to mix the tiles better I keep having SEX
Sarai: Yeah, you should have SEX
Krysta: (*frantically mixing the tiles)--I'm TRYING! Wait that came out wrong....
Everyone: LMAO
March 2011
9 posts
so THAT'S how you get a real person
Automated person: Thank you for calling customer service at Virgin Mobile. My name is Alex and I'll be assisting you. Would you like to start your service, pay your bill, troubleshoot, or select other options.
Me: Uh, start my service.
Alex: I do not understand what you just said. Please repeat.
Me: START. YOUR. SER. VICE.
Alex: To pay your bill using a prepaid debit, cred...
Me: TALK TO HUMAN.
Alex: I'm sorry, I still cannot understand you.
Me: PERSON THAT BREATHES OXYGEN
Alex: Could you please repeat yourself.
Me: GODDAMMIT CAN YOU CONNECT ME TO A MOTHERFUCKING HUMAN YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT??
Alex: I'm going to connect you to a customer service representative now.
Me: Bout damn time.
(I then proceed to talk to someone who I'm pretty sure is still in level 1 of ESL).
You can't take us anywhere (or maybe just me)
At the Olive Garden discussing dessert
Me: Your tiramisu has more lady fingers
Erica: But yours has more cream
Sarah: Hahahaha
Me: Oh, I guess that could be dirty, huh?
Later (after Erica accidentally spills water on herself at the restaurant)
Erica: We might bump into [women's team member] in the lobby and she'll see that my pants are wet and think I peed on myself!
Sarah: Just tell her you got excited!
Me: Tell her you had finished with your lady fingers and made too much cream.
Sarah: God! How far are we going to take this...
Krysta *speeds up walking ahead of us
Later still...
*phone vibrates
Krysta: Is that my phone?
Me: It's a phone...guess it could be yours.
Krysta: sounded like a vibrator
Me: Oh yeah, it is. I got tired of just using my lady fingers...
Our Drag Names
So we’ve been watching the RuPaul’s Drag Race Dragathon on LOGO for 5hrs now. After much longing to be drag queens like the ones on TV, Stephanie found a Drag Name Generator for us! Below are ours. What’s yours?
http://www.blogthings.com/dragqueennamegenerator/
Stephanie= Anita Mann
Alani= Notorious F-A-G
Ivey= Barb Wyre
“When you frown, your mustache frowns too!”
– Stephanie (via xblondey112x)
Stephanie: I can't read what it says.
Alani: Go put your contacts in.
Stephanie: The TV is being very direct today.
Alani: C'mon, you're a sweet 16 team!
Me: Believe in yourself...and guard the outside.
Alani: Where's Indianapolis?
Ivey and Logan: Indiana....
“I love gay men. And I love to see them direct the choirs.”
– Madea’s Big Happy Family
February 2011
6 posts
“Some guys have big sticks and some guys have smaller sticks, but they all play...”
– Me (on men’s lacrosse)
“This weekend was the annual CPAC- Conservative Political Action Conference - or...”
– SNL (via poisonedrationality)
“I could have graduated Summa Laude, or Magna Cum Laude, but now I’m just happy...”
– Alani (via jadedmandarin)
Really...?
“Nude Erections?”
I’m loathed to open tumblr in class now. 8 )
“The losing team gets put down.”
– Connor on Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl.
January 2011
7 posts
Observe the Species (II): Sororitas Identicalis
Me: Wow one of the soros just ran out the event crying
Sarah: that's not funny at all, why would anyone, including me, laugh?
Me: and 4 chased her down and started hugging her and consoling her
Sarah: lololol
Me: What in the world could have been so horrible? She has ruined her make-up! She has raccoon eyes. Her beauty..it languishes.....
Sarah: Maybe she had last year's uggs?
Me: Perhaps, I couldn't quite make it out but I kept hearing them say "He...something...He something...He didn't mean..." I think she knows about Steven
Me: I think they all know about Steven...
Sarah: Oh No. Not Steven!
-------
Me: There are now 10 people in the bathroom and someone is yelling and I hear her sobbing
------
Me: Wait! now they've emerged in laughter and embraces. Crises averted
Sarah: Thank god. I was on pins and needles
Me: Elusive creatures aren't they?
Sarah: Crikey!
Observe the Species: Sororitas Identicalis
Alani: why do sororities get all dolled up to go eat with each other?
Alani: i'm in the union and they are setting up some dinner in the cabaret
Me: oh so it was rush week here the other night
Me: and i got on a campus bus to go to the gym, in my dirty ol sweats
Me: and every seat was full, there were people standing
Me: and every single one of them was a sorority girl.
identical.
Me: ugg boots + tights + slinky black dress + pearls + red or black peacoat + overmoussed hair
Me: it was freaky
Alani: well at least the breed is consistent
Me: 120lbs 5ft 4
Me: white
Me: blonde (or brown with blonde streaks)
Alani: right i see 3 of those and 4 solid brunettes and 20 black peacoats
Me: anyway you get the picture
Alani: i just dont get the point of getting dressed up to go eat with a bunch of girls you see everyday in the bottom of the union (not even a restaurant)
Me: me neither. i'm pickin' pjs over pearls anytime.
Alani: yeah or if im going to get all dolled up in a little black dress and be a hottie im at least going where i know someone will buy me drink
Alani: makes little sense to be all cocktail-ed up and employ a no boys, dry-campus event policy
Alani: god they all look the same
Me: i know - isn't it amazing
Alani: it really really is
Alani: oh crap they've got a curvier one
Alani: OMG she might be a size 12
Me: WOAH!
Alani: she should get out now, while shes still got her beautiful curves and her identity
Me: they must feel so... diverse... and good hearted... for taking in a project like that
Alani: and she's got her OWN legs
Alani: they all look alike from behind
Alani: their legs all look the same
Alani: their fru fru dresses that stop mid-thigh-just above their knee
Alani: their side ponytails
Me: i'm surprised their dresses are that long
Alani: and nasally voices
Alani: its scary
Alani: you'd think after a while they'd run out of versions of the same cocktail dress but no. you just change the color and add a different sash or button. and voila!
Me: it's a good thing the female: male ratio is so skewed that one-night stands are the best anyone could do. i don't know how the guys could be expected to pick a girl out of a lineup the next morning
Alani: Carrington pointed out that the guys might not know they are sleeping around. You see one drunken night Steven meets this thin cocktail-dress clad blondey-brunette girl whose name is sarah, emily, some variation of catherine, or elizabeth
Alani: and then meets "her" again the next night
Alani: and this continues on
Alani: until one day 15 girls storm up to him
Alani: saying hey wtf
Alani: i thought you were dating me
Me: you know that might be a very good point. the men at carolina might very well be completely innocent (well we'll run with this theory). they could be trying for serial monogomy but the flaw in the sorority system is making it impossible
Alani: haha
Alani: oh crap there's a black girl
Alani: oh damn
Alani: lemme get back to work before they come seek me out. I'm black and plus-sized!
Me: no worries
Alani: but i may offer the diversity card
Me: i think you are waaay too much diversity for them to ever consider
Alani: okay
Me: you would blow their little world up
Alani: good point phew
December 2010
20 posts
The 12 Hours (God I hope not) of Christmas (This...
Okay this just in…. the bowl that the melted wax leaked out of was cracked because I microwaved it and it wasn’t microwave-safe.
Oh well…
The 12 Hours (God I hope not) of Christmas...
1st hour of Christmas—I backed my moms car into my car trying to deliver presents to Carrington’s house. Yep, it sucks. No dents, just scratches but a helluva way to start off Christmas and huge evidence that Santa is not on my career to-do list.
2nd hour of Christmas—The oven caught on fire. My grandma spilled wax in the bottom yesterday while we made candies. My mom discovered...
Sarah burn baby, burn
So, 3 hours ago Sarah, Carrington and I were chilling the apartment and realized that the room above us smelled like smoke. We got the RA and informed him for the sole purpose that we wouldn’t have to go outside in the icy rainy cold because someone set off the fire alarm.
Okay, now fast forward to 20min ago. Carrington and I are in my room watching the Incredibles and Sarah is in the...
The Cerebral Librarian: So I am the grinch who... →
Hahaha! I should’ve 8 )
poisonedrationality:
did you put antlers on Ogden and make him drag it out to the car too?
thecerebrallibrarian:
So we had to get rid of our contra-banned Christmas tree because of room inspections. Apparently a Christmas tree is a fire hazard (pshh!)
After many fruitless requests of people to take our lovely tree and give it home, my folks decided that they...
So I am the grinch who Christmas
So we had to get rid of our contra-banned Christmas tree because of room inspections. Apparently a Christmas tree is a fire hazard (pshh!)
After many fruitless requests of people to take our lovely tree and give it home, my folks decided that they would take out precious pine.
My mom was originally going to pick me and the tree up this afternoon, after church and well after everyone in my...
When the Saints Go to Golden Corral
So after the H2H concert on Sunday, my mom and sister and I went to Golden Corral for dinner. While there we found ourselves trying to fight through buffet which was under attack by 20-odd sizeably blessed black choir members on their way either to or from an event. These people sparked some creative juices in my sis, mom and me and we wrote the following medley dedicated to them.
When the...
Alani (to Sarah): Hugh Grant has been the prime minister all along.
Sarah: When did he off Tony Blair.
Me: Tony Blair isn't even prime minister anymore!