January 2010
69 posts
Dear Mr. Holden Thorpe,
I am very angry with you.
I do not wish to have class tomorrow.
I do not appreciate you posting that it was a “Condition 2”, getting me excited and then downing my spirits with an “Until 10am.”
Several public school systems including the Chapel Hill-Carrboro public school system have closed tomorrow.
Several colleges in the area have also declared it a snow day.
And...
Okay So Obama and Biden attended the Georgetown v....
Dear Mr. President
I have just a few questions and/or requests:
1) I understand that you are regular person that obviously enjoys the ACCbasketball scene and (as we have previously noted) the VMAs; and while I appreciate that you are simply attending a basketball game and not involving yourself in John Edwards-esque activities, I think we should maybe…possibly…work on Healthcare and...
I hate taking PHIL 273 or Social and Economic...
Alani, Alani... you're missing the point! Philosophy is not about "understanding" or "answers" or "facts" or some of those other lamesauce goals of those uppity "sciences" like biology or psychology. Much like Creationism, it's about arguing in circles around completely irrelevant statements. In fact the next time someone brings up Anne Frank, relate it to teaching evolution in schools. Or gender roles in rhesus monkeys. It doesn't really matter, as long as your discussion ends up at the same place it started...
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So in class today I was trying to understand what the hell my philosophy prof was trying to say. I do not grasp these concepts without examples. I want my class to stop interrupting him in the middle of his examples or I will never f***king understand.
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Prof: "So say you were harboring Anne Frank and the Gestapo asked you if she was there and you lie. Is this morally right?"
Me: "Oh...sh**! I think I finally got it. You are morally right according to the concept of act utilitarianism---"
Some Bitch: "But what if you could kill Hitler?"
Me: "WTF? Who said anything about Hitler!?"
Some other Bitch: "If you kill Hitler you'd be right?"
Me: "Wait I thought we were still on Anne Frank."
Some body else: "You know slavery is wrong!"
Me: Bangs head on desk. "I hate this class!"
I love zombies!
Alani: Are we going to have a Ménage à trois?
Ivey: Yes we are.
Alani (to Carrington): Stick it in there then.
(For the record. The three of us shared a drink (zombie) with straws. But I mean Carrington and I do both think Ivey's a cutie....maybe after a few more zombies...)
Alani: I can do math.
Carrington: What's the square root of pie?
Alani: Something I can do when I'm sober.
Me: My best friend gets really good at math and spelling when she's drunk.
Alani: I'm good at spelling and Ivey's good at math.
Carrington: What's 2+3?
Me (in a "duh" tone): 5
Carrington: Alani is really good at spelling. Did she tell you about when she and my friends played scrabble? They asked me to play and I was like uh-uh. One of my friends has written 300 page essays in college. A these is 200 pages, and he's written 300. Whatever score he had, she had double it.
Alani: Give me a word to spell. And you check him because he's dyslexic.
Carrington: oxymoron
Alani: o-x-y-m-o-r-n
Me: You missed a letter. oxymorn! You just invented a new word.
Alani: Let me try again.
Carrington: Wednesday
Alani: W-e-d-n-e-s-d-a-y.
Me: Yep
Alani: Give me something that's not on a sign I can read.
Carrington: *gives her another hard word*
Alani: *misspells it* Okay, maybe I can't spell.
I hate taking PHIL 273 or Social and Economic...
So in class today I was trying to understand what the hell my philosophy prof was trying to say. I do not grasp these concepts without examples. I want my class to stop interrupting him in the middle of his examples or I will never f***king understand.
-------------------------------------------------------
Prof: "So say you were harboring Anne Frank and the Gestapo asked you if she was there and you lie. Is this morally right?"
Me: "Oh...sh**! I think I finally got it. You are morally right according to the concept of act utilitarianism---"
Some Bitch: "But what if you could kill Hitler?"
Me: "WTF? Who said anything about Hitler!?"
Some other Bitch: "If you kill Hitler you'd be right?"
Me: "Wait I thought we were still on Anne Frank."
Some body else: "You know slavery is wrong!"
Me: Bangs head on desk. "I hate this class!"
Alani: Why do all my friends have disorders?
Sarah: What's wrong with us?
Alani: He's hearing voices, Derek's playing a guitar that isn't there, and you're a kleptomaniac.
Sarah: What about Ivey? She's just f***ing scary!
Alani: I'm not worried about her, I'm scary too.
Hey you need me to profile him?
xblondey112x:
I have to do a book report for one of my classes and the more I read the more this guy sounds like a pedophile.
Maybe snow Friday, but freaking 60 tomorrow??!!!... →
Mixtape: 10 Best Songs About Libraries and... →
I’ll cop to it. I SAID IT. Cause now the back 3 entire rows of my cognitive psychology class think I’m a horny little bugger, and aside from random pics of me outside Cherry Pie, I beg to differ.
xblondey112x:
pssh like you don’t do it.
Yeah, that’s another great idea. As long as there isn’t some giant naked guy on my screen.
angelasolitaria:
well obviously you aren’t the only...
Alani: I don't understand the fascination with FarmVille
Derek: It's hoes before hos.
A day in the life of the piccolos
xblondey112x:
12PM: call and wake everyone up. Wait 30 minutes for Derek to fix his hair.
12:30PM: eat the wonderful breakfast that Alani cooked while watching House DVDs on the computer.
1PM: Cheer for Alani’s dad as he brings in a TV. Derek offers to bring over his giant TV to put our little one on.
1:45PM: Head to Walmart.
2PM: Decide that since we’re dragging Derek to Casablanca...
Alani: My friends are all serial killers!
Me: But we're fun!
Sarah: And we have stellar personalities!
Alani: Did you wet your bed growing up?
Sarah: Define growing up.
Alani: Did you like to set things on fire and watch them burn?
Sarah: Yeah, of course!
Alani: That's two out of the three. Did you abuse animals?
Sarah: Dammit!
xblondey112x:
Dear Davis Library,
Please install more electrical outlets and get better wireless. You are a library for crying out loud, you’d think students might need to study with computers and BlackBoard and that you could catch up to these modern times. I realize that I haven’t spent much of this time “studying” per se, but the request still stands.
Do better.
Love,
Ivey Anne <3
Me: Did you say you learned about hag fish?
Alani: And that made you think of Ivey?
“I may need a safe walker. haha. Aww Ivey, thank you. You probably shouldn’t have...”
– Alani (via xblondey112x)
Derek: But I don't know how to get it out.
Sarah: I do!
Alani: *something something* butt plugs.
Sarah: Worst jump into a conversation in history!
“If you really can’t come that quickly just come on the 2nd and 3rd beats.”
– MM (via pacislaqueus)
basketball cults. i'd hit that.
harajukugrl87:
Me: I’m going to miss the Blues Brothers. Erin: Yeah. This new thing is just, ehh. Me: Yeah, I was really getting into it until that chanting at the end. It reminds me of a cult. Yes, that’s what it is. A basketball cult. Erin: Now we need a sacrifice. Me: RAMSES! RAAAAWWW. Let’s get’em. Kali: AHH! *cowers* NOOOO! Not poor RAMSES!! Me: OH CRAP! MY BAD, MY BAD. I’M...
Alani: You could be a rapist.
Derek: I'm glad I have that aspiration. I still have that goal open.
Derek: Do you watch Criminal Minds?
Alani: I don't pay much attention.
Me: Alani goes, *reaches out arm* "Shemar! Shemar!"
“Okay Ivey, where’s your depressing break up music, you always have it.”
– Alani (as she got in the e car) (via xblondey112x)
productivity of the day- Sarah and I are starting...
angelasolitaria:
Name: Cremaster Jack and the Epididymi
Main vocals: Cremaster Jack (Sarah)
Backup vocals: Alani Amygdala (doubles as stripper name)
Guitar: Deferens Derek (‘Da Vas Man’)
Drums: Vulva Veronica (because we just don’t have enough people with V names, rosa is required to go by her middle name)
Tambourine: Labial Logan
Production Manager: Kate
Stage Manager: Sara (?)
...
"Kate ": is your roomie still up?
me: alani? prob not. she actually sleeps. psh.
"Kate ": sleep? what is this sleep?!
“We’ve decided to name our church The Church of the Immaculate Inebriation. We...”
– Erin (via xblondey112x)
lefties united
Sarah: There are people that actually believe that since 10% of people ate their twins before they were born and 10% of people are left handed, left handed people ate their twins.
Alani: In biopsych, Loeb said that people are left handed because of brain damage.
Me: Sarah, I like your theory better.
Sarah: Me too.
Overheard at UNC.
Bitch: She went out with him even after she knew I was still in love with him. I hope she gets pregnant.
Bitch's Friend: That is horrible thing to say.
Bitch: I know but whatever.
I will make an inference here.
He probably didn't want you because you are a horrible person that would wish to screw up some other chicks life cause you are selfish and lonely.
And now I'm really wishing these headphones were louder...
Sarah: He saw Kelly.
Alani: Who said hi first?
Derek: I yelled "Kelly!". You should be jealous.
Alani: Does she look British?
Derek: Yeah, she does. But I beat the British out of her.
I have ice cream cake? yay!
ICECREAMCAKE!
Derek: Ivey has this. It's when you stay up late. Nocturnal. Ivey.
Erin: Vampire
Alani: Insomnia.
Alani: Wait, you're going to divinity school?
Me: Hopefully.
Alani: But you drink!
Me: No. It's taking communion.
Church of the piccolos
angelasolitaria:
faith healer? i shall cast the demons from ye sick sinners (and stitch them back up after drinking two beers sacramental wine)
xblondey112x:
pacislaqueus:
Kate-Church Doctor, Heath care person (if that’s a position)
Logan-Music
Stephanie should be in charge of the children’s sermon.
xblondey112x:
We’ve decided that when Erin finishes divinity school we’re all going to...
xblondey112x:
Dear suicidal girl trying to freeze to death,
I don’t care if your dress has long sleeves, if it comes up to your butt you shouldn’t wear it when it’s barely 30 degrees outside. At least wear a coat longer than your dress.
after sarah's clue about the Himalayas
Alani: the word was harem!
Me: obviously, we don't know anything about India.
Alani: You should be learning about BCs and Lucys. They don't teach the Irish potato famine in Anthropology 101.
Derek: It was the Irish f***ing potato famine!
Alani: You skipped class and then dropped it, it's okay.
Derek: I was there! I have the notes! Somewhere...
Alani: Sarah was seen by a lobotomist
Sarah: He said I needed one
Alani: They took her brain, that explains a lot
If you can't be smart, at least you can be pretty...
Alani: How did you fix my camera?!
Rosa: The lens was dirty.
Me: It's okay, you're pretty
Jamie: Someone posted that they wanted to know why one sock always disappears in the dryer, I told them how about that pillow case. Then they deleted the whole thing! I guess they didn't want anyone commenting on it.
Me: Or they just couldn't top losing a pillow case in the dryer.
Me: *relays the story to Alani later*
Alani: I'll email your auntie and tell her about how I lost two pairs of jeans in the dryer. It was in the UNC dryer. And they were nice jeans too! The ones I wore at the fair last year? They fit well *and* they made me look good! I really liked those jeans!
Me: Yeah, I think that tops Jamie.